8 tips to navigating difficult conversations
This year has been full of difficult yet essential conversations and lately I’ve fielded questions about how to have them.
The world is opening up in a way that it hasn’t before. More people are rising up to say “This isn’t right” – especially on issues such as race, gender, aged-care, and the very definition of political or business leadership.
I know there are those of you who are trying to bring about necessary change by talking about these issues in the one place that matters more than most – the boardroom.
But in our desire to speak out, we are being confronted with conversations that can be very difficult to have, and often more difficult to start.
As we know, boardrooms are sometimes not the most accepting place for change-based conversations. So if you’re trying to encourage difficult yet essential conversations, here are my best suggestions in navigating them.
Check your ego at the door
When you are passionate about an issue it can be easy to assume everyone else should be equally passionate. You may come across as a crusader who is driven by dogma and inflexibility. Don’t be righteous. Try and take your own ego (what I call boardroom baggage) out of the equation, and stick to the facts….as you see them.
Be respectful
It is entirely possible to have hard conversations without argument or being inflammatory. Be truthful - and remember, it’s your truth at this point - but remain respectful to your fellow board members or management. The best way to do this is to choose your words carefully.
Think about strategy...
Boards don't like surprises, so when trying to present something new, make sure you’ve discussed it prior to a meeting to sample reaction. Assuming you are not the Chair, talk to them first. Talk to a mentor outside the boardroom and seek guidance on the best approach.
...and, the risks
Be hyper-vigilant to the possible outcomes of difficult conversations. It could go well, it could go badly. It could go in a different direction and you lose control of the narrative. It’s not just about what you want to happen, it’s about planning for what could happen.
Play the ball, not the person
Don’t make it personal. If people disagree do not make them wrong. Seek to understand how your words may be perceived. All humans filter language through our past experiences and belief systems. It’s easier when EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is high, but you may need to tailor your language to suit the different styles of listening in the room.
Prepare thoroughly
Not just for what you will say, but also what you may hear in response. Expect people to have different opinions, and plan for such responses – even if they are negative. Make sure your opinions are substantiated by facts. Try and avoid hyperbole like, “lots of people have told me…..” (when it’s been two people).
Introduce a new technique
If your board is stuck and cannot move forward, you might wish to try different techniques to create forward movement. These techniques - a favourite being Deep Democracy - are not about consensus, but about buy-in. They are best delivered by a third-party facilitator but a great Chair can equally facilitate a difficult conversation.
And, most importantly… don’t live in regret
As directors, we have a responsibility to speak up. You have a voice, and you must use it. Difficult conversations are not a walk in the park, but they are essential. Be courageous. Be proud, even if it doesn’t work out the way you planned. Change will not happen if people do not speak out.
But remember, your job is not to provide the answer as much as it is to ask the question.
If you’re still struggling to find your voice in the boardroom, then this previous article that I wrote might be of use…or feel free to reach out for a chat about how you can better influence your board.